flower - liz phair.

not going to get in the habit of this, the whole posting other's writings, but this song is very reflective of my christmas night. also, it's a fucking good song.

everytime i see your face
i get all wet between my legs.
everytime you pass me by,
i heave a sigh of pain.

everytime i see your face
i think of things unpure, unchaste
i want to fuck you like a dog
i'll take you home and make you like it
everything you've ever wanted,
everything you ever thought of, is
everything i'll do to you
i'll fuck you and your minions too
your face reminds me of a flower,
kinda like you're underwater
hair's too long and in your eyes
your dick's a perfect suck me size
you act like you're fourteen years old.
everything you say is so
obnoxious, funny, true and mean
i want to be your blowjob queen
you're probably shy and introspective
that's not part of my objective
i just want your fresh, young jimmy
jamming, slamming, ramming in me
everything i see your face
i think of things not pure, not chaste
i want to fuck you like a dog
i'll take you home and make you like it
everything you ever wanted
everything you ever thought of, is
everything i'll do to you
i'll fuck you till your dick is blue

-

merry fucking christmas, kids.

natalie catherine

young boys.

i sense the space where your dick was inside me.
like a chew toy,
gnaw gnaw.

you are twelve years old.

there's a difference between being passed and thrown around.
you like to think your hardcore.

tonight i bow my head with shame,
not for something i did
but for the girl you thought i'd became

we all need someone to get us out of trouble.

but i don't need no one.
how's that?
maybe trouble is where i like it.

breaking news.

i'll use you and you can't use me.
i can't stand myself.
because you don't know.
promise, i don't mean no harm.
one day i hope you share your story with the national inquirer.
i'm not your savior. don't think that for a SECOND.
it's better this way.
one day, i'm sure you'll tell your story for a million.
let's pretend i'm worth that much.

all i want you to know.

i bruise easy because i fall down alot. this is because i'm clumsy, not because i'm self destructive.

if i'm using unnecessary amounts of consonants in our online conversations, i want you to think everything is okay.

i love myself exactly how i am. i'm okay that my 'crazy life' serves as entertainment for you. i'll always be okay.

this is my natural hair color.

i don't have a problem. it's not become a habit. i'm fine without it.

i don't view you as lesser than me. you don't hurt me either.

everyone is expendable. even you. trust me.

that's cool.

my pinkie finger is aching and imobile.
my nose, bloody, and swollen twice it's size.
which was a pretty fucking big size to begin with.
no love, no glory.
the boy i love loves me no longer,
the men i chase beat me to the ground now.
i am half an inch from giving up.
my friend says, no please don't never!
he waves at me through the mcd's parking lot

everyone is an image of who we want to see
sometimes we just don't like the quality of the screen.

'the list' master copy

made this with a friend while drinking wine tonight. the fucking things i'll put on the internet...

--

The List

1. w - waste of 1/4 of a decade
2. j - virgins & stairwells
3. d - secretly gay
4. t - overrated and a caveman
5. j - hot junkie with a pencil dick
6. k - ex-methhead neighbour
7. a - friend incest
8. a - still sucks. PERIOD.
9. j - sloppy tenths
10. d - neighbour of EW
11. k - gross vag
11 1/2. j - 37, british, adorable!
12. ? - fuck
13. ? - YOU!
14. m - 1st groupie experience
15. j - had porn on his wall... classay
16. z - 19th bday... 'jesus'?
17. m - ginger poser cokehead, waste of enough months
18. s - HOT counter guy, score for me!
19.m - landlord babymama drama
20. 'd' - schizophrenic lesbian
21. a - mildly attractive emo
22. c - fake 'aboriginal', but real good
23. j - needed someone to fuck on xmas. all my friend's are jealous. all his friends are lame.
24. j - we did, and still do hate each other's fucking guts. the power of 3 bottles of wine, i guess. i want my pants back from his house.
25. 'f' aka m - friend i never thought i'd fuck. had a surprisingly big dick and i got a sweet sweater out of it. thank god it's not awkward now.
26. s - crackhead with a kid going to jail. what can i say, i like free drugs.
27. j - been on my to do list for a while, i had a hunch the sex would be hot, i was right. now, if only i could stop thinking about him
28. j - the previous boy's loser thirty something roommate; a rockstar in his own mind. raped me when i was passed out on his couch on st. patrick's day, how charming.
29. m - fucking hot ex-junkie punk in an open relationship i met at some party.
30. l - his girlfriend. we look pretty much exactly the same, it was like fucking my long lost twin.
31. r - their 16 year old russian friend, she was a cutie.
32. l - some random dude i met on an ill advised night out. not even that attractive, i let him believe we were in a relationship (after less than three hours of knowing me, i mean like what are you a chick?) cause i needed some place to sleep. class act.

new blog, food fixation

ptashkabones.blogspot.com - my let's lose 10 pounds in a month blog.

'Why I'm So Easy' essay coming soon, when I stop drinking and fucking so much.

girls

all us broken girls.
all us beat down, shrunken girls.
all of us, smiling, biting our lips in half.
you leave us behind. you expect us to lead.
we raise our heads up, ask 'so are you gonna take me to prom now, huh?'
maybe i never wanted to go
maybe you never knew anything about me
maybe you didn't care, and preferred to believe the lie
we sob beneath the makeup, the painted face, can't you hear me wailing?
i'm looking for myself
i want to hold you so hard that you can't breathe
i want to put you in my pocket, and take you back with me
i will never be a mother
but i will be your home

why don't you scootch over a little closer, sugar?

i think i'm gonna start typing in here some more.

currently drinking some wine, waiting for julie to pick me up.
going to a work party? as her fake girlfriend. or just drinking with drew.
idk/idc.
i just need to get out of this suffocating house.
conundrum: hamilton house leaves me bereft and lonely
parental oakville house leaves me suffocated and skittish.
i've burned so, so many bridges.
met so many people.
many i don't care to meet again.
my head is poorly shaved today but at least my eyes look nice.
maybe i'll write again tomorrow?

you don't.

well, you just don't know anything about me.

my eating problems.
how i paint this face on to cake what's writhing underneath.
my blatant promiscuity.
passable drug addiction (which i don't believe, everyone just trying to hammer it into me).
massacre of the unborn, maybe for a second time.
my federal felony, well no one does.
no one in a position of power, anyways.
failure of at least one class.
ambiguous sexual identity.
what's the point, when i haven't met a girl half worth bringing home?
you didn't know about the rape.
and when i told you, you didn't seem to care much.
so what, exactly
is the point in enlightening you about the rest of this mess?

everyone draws their own conclusions anyways.
objectivity is a myth.